There was a beautiful post by Deborah Moen today regarding our attitude toward others, especially those who may have done something we don’t appreciate. She said, “Everyone is doing the best they know how to do from where they are .♥” And, I couldn’t agree more about the importance of this statement. I actually spend quite a bit of time on the subject of forgiveness or getting over what someone has “done to us” in “How to Allow.”
It seems that when it comes to beliefs that prevent us from allowing in our natural well being, it often comes down to our inability to get over something that someone else has done, which has had a negative impact on our lives. And, we often view it as unforgivable.
You may have heard the expression that failing to forgive someone is allowing him or her to take up space in your head, rent-free. The perpetrator is going about his or her business, oblivious to you and the pain you feel, and you’re still allowing them to muddy your vibration. Doesn’t make sense does it?
Yet, it can be hard to let go of something, particularly when someone has, in your eyes, seriously handicapped your ability to move on with your own dreams. But we need to get over it if we’re to live the miracles we’ve created for ourselves, which are just waiting for our alignment in our vibrational escrow. And, there are a couple of ways of thinking about this forgiveness idea when can be quite helpful in letting go.
First, the idea that someone asserted something into our experience goes against the whole idea of the Law of Attraction. We had to be a vibrational match to the creepy behavior the person exhibited toward us or we wouldn’t have attracted it into our experience. And, that’s not a reason to beat up on ourselves. We’ve probably been trained by them to expect the creepy behavior. There may even be a pattern of abuse. It’s just an acknowledgement that we’re the ones in charge of our vibration, not the person who wronged us. Remember, there are no victims here. We create our own circumstances by the thoughts we think, our expectations and beliefs. And, deciding not to be a victim is a huge step into vibrational alignment and the life we really want.
Second, and I spend some time on this in the “How to Allow” Course, everyone, by definition, is doing the best they can at the time. If they could have done better they would have. Does that make sense? My first thought when I read that quotation from Wayne Dyer was, “oh yeah, they could’ve done lots better.” But then, after more reasoned thought, I realized the essential truth of that statement. As Deborah put it, “everyone is doing the best they can from where they are.” The person who treated you badly didn’t have it in them to do better. That was all they had going for them at the time; that’s as far as they had evolved. So it makes no sense to continue blaming them for something they didn’t really have the ability to do differently. Not to mention, that the forgiveness gives you your freedom back. And that is huge!
As a final thought, some people on the leading edge don’t even like to have the word forgiveness in their repertoire because it has this association with someone being able to assert something into your experience counter to your vibration. And, it forces revisiting the hurtful episode in order to come to a place of forgiveness. So, another way to deal with all of this is to realize that: (1) everyone was doing the best they could do with what they had in them, period; and (2) the best thing we can do for ourselves is forget about it, don’t let it take up any more valuable space in our vibration.
If you’ve got anyone like that in your life that you’re allowing to hold you back from your fondest desires, it would be worth thinking it through in terms of your own involvement (your vibration at the time), their inability to do better, and finally the freedom of forgetting about it. It could open up a whole new host of opportunities that were elusive as long as your vibration was muddied with even justifiable anger and resentment.
It’s worked for me, surprisingly well, and I’m so glad I stumbled upon the wisdom of understanding that everyone is doing the best they can from where they are, by definition. If they could’ve done better, they would have. Thanks for the reminder Deborah Moen.
If anyone could benefit from one-on-one focus on this issue or something that’s been tough to let go of, I’m available to help at susan@howtoallow.net. Also, don’t forget to check out the ebook and course, “How to Allow.” Readers are finding it life-changing. And, I couldn’t be happier about that!
