I’ve been having a lot of thoughts on this issue lately, and have even discussed it with friends, as to whether it’s really helpful to vent to close friends or family when we have a problem we feel the need to share. It seems like it’s part of supporting each other, keeping each other in the loop, and being there for each other when we hit a snag in life. Common wisdom has always been that the negative feelings we keep bottled up inside can lead to all sorts of negative consequences. You imagine the wife and loving mother who is always positive and supportive with her family but then just explodes over something minor because she never allows herself to express her anger. Or, the people who snap and do something really horrific, which makes the evening news, and the neighbors say, “he seemed like such a nice guy, very quiet, never had much to say.” This is where I imagine the phrase “going postal” evolved from. I think most of us believe that it’s not a great idea to bury our feelings when something is troublesome for us.
Then there is the common practice in psychology of individual therapy, which often means focusing upon the patient’s problems for what sometimes turns into years. That’s not to say that a results oriented therapy might not be a good thing when someone is really in need of advice as to how to handle a troubling situation. But, can it really be good to keep re-hashing a problem, that is, giving it focus and more energy and momentum, for an extended period of time?
I have to admit, that I’ve somewhat struggled with this issue in deciding whether to vent any problem I might be having to a family member or friend. There are some things which just make you feel like you have to share them with someone. You want to be understood. You want to be the real you and not some sort of Stepford Wife or Husband that keeps a smile on his or her face and never reveals their true feelings. Sometimes it does just feel good to be able to vent when you’re troubled by something, and you may even find a solution by sharing your problem with a wise friend or family member. That doesn’t seem like it can be a bad thing.
But, lately, I’ve become less willing to vent and more inclined to carefully choose the words I use to describe my current reality, if there is a particular aspect of it I’m not thrilled about. I think I just know too much now about the Law of Attraction and the importance of maintaining my vibe that I actually feel a pang of (I shouldn’t be doing this) when I find myself complaining to a friend. And, the thing I’ve noticed recently, which actually fits with everything I know about the LOA, is that a very negative conversation with a friend about their problem or your problem, which isn’t solution-oriented, nearly always seems to result in a worsening of the particular problem, often the very next day. That new awareness of the quick results of not choosing my words carefully so that they are oriented toward what I want, instead of what I don’t want, is leading me to try to handle more situations without giving them extra airtime in chatting with friends or family.
I’m definitely not suggesting that we bury our problems under the rug and pretend they don’t exist. If there is something that has gone on for some length of time and never improves, it calls for us to address it by finding a different way of looking at it which is solution oriented. For a minor issue, I’m all for just letting it go. Forget about giving it more focus and turning it into an actual problem. For a long-standing problem, your vibration on that issue is going to remain the way you left it the last time you thought about it until you find a way to work it around in your head and find a new approach. There are a plethora of methods out there for dealing with larger issues, including literally just trying to forget about it, that is, give it no more thought, and it may just fade out of your existence as you focus on the positive things in your life. When it’s difficult to just distract yourself from the problem and forget about it, there are lots of strategies out there for releasing troublesome thoughts and the accompanying feelings. I’m a big fan of The Sedona Method, which is a really simple release technique, and I often use it when I find myself just beginning to go down a negative path and want to make a quick correction. I highly recommend it and include it in the recommended resources in my ebook/course “How to Allow.” There is also the “Focus Wheel,” which is a technique found in “Ask and It is Given,” by Jerry and Esther Hicks. You work yourself into the way you want to feel gradually by focusing forward toward your desired feeling about the issue. It’s very effective and I recommend it when you find yourself constantly focusing on a problem.
So, I’ve been trying to be more careful about my conversations, what words I choose that I know will affect my vibration and the way I feel. But admittedly, I haven’t been perfect about that and now feel I’ve had a bit of an epiphany that is going to make it much easier for me to adopt better habits when it comes to the words I choose to share with others.
I was listening to a seminar tape which discussed the power of our vibrational momentum and how easy it is to start afresh with positive momentum. I had imagined it requiring more work and a longer time to get back on the track of a positive momentum and the amazing things that happen when I do have a pure positive vibe going. This particular seminar involved a guy who was depressed and had several disappointing things happen recently in his life, and the discussion of how quickly his momentum could be shifted if he ceased discussing and giving airtime to those issues. The process of sleeping clears the air, so to speak, and we have a chance every morning before we even get out of bed to make a decision as to where we want our vibe to be. And, it’s the most important decision we can make in our day.
The discussion in this seminar was really powerful, eye-opening, and gives us a better picture of how we can keep our vibe in as high a place as possible:
Every word you speak about the reality you are perceiving practices the vibration and keeps its momentum going. And, it was suggested, firmly, that we should just stop talking about it. Our next priority would be doing processes that raise our vibration, but it can be hard because the momentum already is what it is. You have such an innate understanding within you that things are supposed to go well, that when they don’t, it just feels freakishly wrong. AH
It was explained, which was helpful to me in cutting myself some slack, that this feeling that feels freakishly wrong, evokes a tendency from us to try to explain why we are where we are. So, there are two things we’re doing, talking about where we are, and why we are where we are. And, those are the two things we’ve got to stop doing. Until we stop doing that, the momentum won’t stop because every day we start the momentum all over again. The momentum is not carrying on through our sleep state and is broken up by the moments of alignment which we do have. But, without an effort to change our focus, every day we start this negative momentum all over again. AH
What really hit me over the head was the statement that, you and you alone establish your point of attraction and get a re-do everyday. You can’t get more than one day’s negative momentum going. I don’t know about you, but that statement gave me lots of relief. I’ve always known that positive energy is infinitely more powerful than negative energy, and that it doesn’t take ten years of positive thinking to counteract ten years of negative thinking, but I love to know that we don’t naturally get more than one day’s negative momentum going. I think that is huge!
So when we awaken, we can tell our sad story or a better story. We can tell the story of our current reality and the parts of it that are good, or we can tell none of it and talk in more general terms. There are other things in our world that are worth noticing that we could take time to focus upon before we get out of bed in the morning. If you can get far from the things that are confounding you, you can stop that momentum. The physical world we were born into is designed to increase our momentum in a positive way every time we notice something that we do want. This high non-resistant vibration and momentum is calling all cooperative components into its sphere. If you could be a little less resistant, meaning you told that story a little less today than you did yesterday, that momentum will pull you closer to it, meaning you’ll have a better day.
The early moments of our day set the tone of how it’s going to be. So days and days and months and months and years and years can go by of the same tone getting set, but it doesn’t make any difference, you can set a new tone. And, this better feeling vibration, which you can choose, is where clarity and exhilaration and fun and joy and appreciation and love and vitality and all of those things You Really Are can be found.
It was suggested that, and I’m paraphrasing, when you go to bed at night, that you not make a big effort, just a soft and gentle statement to yourself that tomorrow is going to be a good day and I’m going to be aware of where I am. And, I’m sure that when I first awaken I’m going to feel that conscious awareness of the lack of negative momentum. If your singular intent when you go to bed each night is to start off with the best expectations or mood you can find at that moment, and whatever happens, happens, it might take 2-3 weeks but you’ll find the high flying vibration. Eventually, you’ll have a few days of everything going exactly right, strangers treating you well, weather cooperating. All manner of things—like a concierge in the sky has named you the most important person in the world, and is walking ahead to clear the space to make sure that everything in your world is perfect. AH
This whole idea that we cannot create more than one day’s worth of negative momentum and that we have the opportunity upon awakening, to create pure positive momentum, has definitely made me want to tell a better feeling story and to choose my words more carefully. It’s not hard, you just can’t keep telling the same story. Soon you’ll be walking along and finding yourself eager to tell a story and recognizing in the pre-words of it, that it’s not a story where you want to keep the momentum going and you resist the urge to tell the story. AH
The bottom line is to focus on beginning with positive momentum rather than stopping negative momentum. It’s much easier. . . . There is no reason to explain anything other than happiness ever. AH
We could view this mission of choosing our story and words carefully, of having more of a filter, as a huge challenge, but I’m choosing not to. I love it that I can start fresh every day and that a relatively short time of positive focus or, at the least, ceasing the negative story, can result in a huge change in my vibration and the quality of all of the things in my life.
I know I can resist the urge to tell old stories based on an old vibration when my new story is so much more compelling. Are you beginning to feel your invincibility with this approach? Let me know how it works for you.