None of us are perfect and I like to think that we are gaining wisdom and compassion for others as we mature and have more experience behind us. This often leads to us cutting others more slack. We’ve learned to overlook some of the smaller things and to appreciate what we have.
Yet, more often than not, there are some people in our lives that can just be difficult to deal with. And, of course, this label of “difficult” is coming from our perspective. From our lens and how we view the world, their behavior seems to make many things in our lives less easy and messier.
When we know that our vibration and mood are our top priority, these interactions with others that seem to make things difficult for no good reason are something we’d rather avoid. But often the people we’ve come to view as difficult can’t be avoided. They could be a family member, a co-worker, or a friend that made sense in our lives before but now doesn’t make so much sense.
It’s proven that we can change our relationship with others by focusing on their best aspects. Virtual miracles have occurred in my life and the lives of my clients when we’ve changed our perception of others. Very often we may be perceiving some negative intention on the part of someone in our life that isn’t even true. We’ve actually projected our thinking onto them. We can be finding faults that don’t exist and making assumptions that aren’t even true.
It’s always worth considering whether we might be creating some negativity in a relationship simply because we are seeing things through a different lens. Something as simple as making a list of a person’s positive aspects can transform everything! I’ve been shocked at times with how quickly this simple effort can work when the difficulty we were perceiving had been created or blown out of proportion in our own minds.
Here I’d like to suggest something that’s a quick and helpful way to shift our focus when we’re dealing with those people who actually are very often difficult to deal with despite our best thoughts and efforts. We weren’t wrong or imagining that they are interfering with our enjoyment of our lives.
When we know our vibration is literally creating our lives, we should realize how essential it is to not allow the bad behavior of others to cause us to miscreate our own circumstances. We know it would be ridiculous to allow that, but it’s not always easy to manage.
It’s reasonable, even if not helpful, to be triggered by people that we’ve determined will never change and will always be difficult. And, we all know at least a handful of people that are very unlikely to transform because who they are is just all they’ve got. If they could do better they would.
First, if someone is truly a toxic influence in our lives, and unlikely to change, we should do our best to remove them from our orbit if possible. And, if it’s not possible, we can minimize the opportunities for conflict by maintaining our distance and good vibration. They’re less likely to see a target on our back or move into our space when our vibration is so different from theirs.
For those other people who can be really difficult, but they’re not abusive or deliberately trying to cause us harm, sometimes a quick shift of thought whenever we find ourselves thinking about how difficult they are can transform the relationship. They’re not terrible people, they just don’t get it or won’t get it, or just aren’t thoughtful. They have likely had a hard time with their lives and we know that “hurt people hurt people.” Generally, some of these characters would feel badly if they actually knew how difficult their behavior was for us. They may be lacking sensitivity or a filter.
In these cases, where the majority of difficult people in our lives fall, those people that push our buttons have actually done some very nice things in their lives, and have at some moments been very kind to us. It can be hard to remember that when they are in “being difficult” mode.
What can work so well for us in not allowing our vibe to plummet in response to their behavior, is to create an image in our minds of that very kind or generous, or thoughtful thing that you can recall about the person who can be difficult. It’s worth taking time to find something they did that is easy to think of and causes no resistance at all. Perhaps they gave you a lovely gift, helped you out in a tough situation, or said just the right thing when you needed it.
That gift, that act, that support, whatever that might be, can be programmed into your mind so that it becomes your go-to thought when you’re launching into a loop of thought about how difficult they are in the moment. It can stop the train in its tracks. The ruminating and magnifying and becoming more and more annoyed just doesn’t happen.
Not only does it save you from allowing your vibration to plunge but it actually improves the relationship with the sometimes difficult person. You begin to emit a different energy about and around them and many of the difficult behaviors seem to fall off. It can be magical!
My mind has been blown by how well this works and how simple it is. Just a few moments of finding a positive association when you think of this person and then literally a few seconds of calling it up when you’re tempted to be thrown off of your own path is all that is required.
I think you’ll be amazed as well. Sometimes things can be this simple and easy.
If you’d like some support with maintaining your good vibration in all sorts of circumstances I’m good at that! You can reach me at firstname.lastname@example.org or ask for an exploratory session on www.howtoallow.net