It is true that it is impossible to create forward momentum when you’re still bemoaning the fact that you’re stuck in an undesirable place. Any attempts to focus forward and visualize your desired reality are going to be accompanied by the mixed vibe of, “I can’t stand this situation and I need to move forward.” That mixed vibe is going to leave you right where you stand. Making peace with where you are is the first step toward creating the life you desire. Yet absent this essential quality, this core belief, attempts to make peace with where you are now are likely to fall flat.
What seems always to be underlying that feeling of “stuckness,” is the absence of an essential quality that can get us into that feeling of everything is really okay right now, and anything is possible from here. And, before I mention this most important quality, promise to read on before you groan and say, “I’ve heard that 1000 times and I don’t even know what it actually means.” I have a slightly different take on this subject that may help you to finally get unstuck and own this belief.
The essential quality, which often comes up in being at peace with where we are right here, right now, is self-love or worthiness. We can’t really appreciate where we are right now in the absence of feelings of worthiness and appreciation for ourselves. So, we could be saying, “I’m okay with where I am and eager for more,” but we may also be saying in the same breath (perhaps subconsciously), “I’m not sure whether I deserve what I really want, have what it takes to get what I want, or approve of myself because of how I got to where I am now.”
What has become very clear to me in working with lots of people who know quite a bit about how the Law of Attraction works, is that a lack of self- love and worthiness is often the hook that is keeping them stuck right where they are. You can’t get there from there.
And, in working with people where this worthiness or self-love concept comes up, it’s clear to me that we could all stand to figure out exactly what self-love and worthiness mean, as a practical matter, in the way we live our lives right now. The terms worthiness and self-love are used so often that they have become almost cliché and our eyes glaze over when we hear that we need to practice them.
With that in mind, I’d like to suggest some practical ways we can understand what self-love and worthiness really mean as a foundation for being the creators of our own circumstances.
The definition of worthiness often contains the words “having merit or value.” Some synonyms for worthiness are “capability, talent, strength.” I was surprised by the synonym “strength,” but now I’m seeing how perfectly it leads to where I’d like to go with this belief in our own worthiness. And as for the term “self-love,” it’s almost hard to even begin to list the ways that concept is overused and applied in so many varying circumstances; it can feel impossible to know what it actually means to “love ourselves.” The term can even make us cringe, at times, when we might be thinking, “Heck, at this moment I’m not even sure if I like myself very well. There is no way I can actually look in a mirror and say ‘I love you’.” It doesn’t feel genuine.
So, what do I think it means to actually love ourselves and feel worthy of having the incredible lives we desire? It means that we treat ourselves as we would treat other people that we love and that we own the incredible power we actually have as spiritual beings. I’d like to get practical about how we might actually do this, as it is the foundation of everything, the acknowledgement of our essence as spiritual beings having a physical experience, and the way we use the laws of the Universe to create what we really want.
What are some things that we can do to incorporate more of a feeling of thinking we are actually okay as we are, we deserve good things, we are capable, we are strong, we have what it takes to get what we want?
First, I want to acknowledge that we might let ourselves off the hook just a bit by realizing that we likely did not get to a place of not fully appreciating how worthy we are on our own. Times are changing and the idea of celebrating yourself, as in, dancing in the end zone when you’ve scored a touchdown, is somewhat more acceptable (within reason). It’s more okay now to shout out to your friends and family, “Guess what I just did? I’m so happy about this!” It’s not as frowned upon as it was a generation ago. Yet, most of us have been raised during a time when calling attention to ourselves, celebrating our victories, was going to get us the opposite of appreciation from others.
In a session with a client last week, a person who is actually inspirational in terms of the work he has done to shift out of feelings of unworthiness and appreciate the amazing changes he is making in his life, used an interesting choice of words. He said that he felt like, “I should be proud of myself, well no, I mean that I deserve a pat on the back.” Despite all he knows, his words demonstrated that he wasn’t really comfortable with even saying he was proud of himself. I was so glad he chose those words. It was a huge epiphany. Have you ever heard the expression, “I think you’re going to break your arm from patting yourself on the back?” Yep, I’ve heard it. Our parents and grandparents were raised, and most of us have been raised, to think that “having a big head” is something to be avoided at all costs. We were not told very often that we were awesome, smart, attractive, funny, strong, inspiring. It’s just not how things were done. And, we’re still feeling the sting of that, looking for love in all the wrong places.
So, how do we show love for ourselves, that we actually believe we are worthy of all that this incredible life has to offer? Here are some practical ways to start down this path and it should just get easier and easier as the Law of Attraction is more than happy to provide us with additional evidence of our worthiness, once we set our intention to demonstrate it. It won’t take years of confident self-talk to replace years of not owning our abilities and power; positive energy trumps negative energy very quickly.
How Can We Own Our Worthiness, Our Value, Actually Love Ourselves?
- Let go of any guilt or shame for being where you are now or feeling that you could have handled things differently. In the same way you need to forgive others (for your own peace of mind), you need to claim the truth about how you arrived at where you are right now. You absolutely have done the best that you could do with what you had in you at the time. If you could have done better, by definition, you would have, period. You handled it from where you had evolved to at that time and you are a different person now. It’s time to end any guilt or shame. (As Abraham says, “If you feel guilty, you should be ashamed of yourself.) Love that one.
- Make the effort, actually decide that you are going to appreciate the things you’ve done, the things about you that merit pride. It’s okay to be proud. It’s okay to dance in the end zone. It’s not only okay, but it’s an amazing practice to take score of small everyday victories. Celebrate them. Milk them as your creations.
- Decide to love yourself with the same intensity as you love others in your life. As Kamal Ravikant so artfully stated in his book, Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It, avow “To treat myself as someone I love truly and deeply—in my thoughts, my actions, the choices I make, the experiences I have, each moment I am conscious, I make the decision I LOVE MYSELF.
- Now that you’ve avowed to love yourself and made that declaration to the Universe, lower your toleration for those thoughts that make you feel crappy. By the way, meditation helps with having that lower tolerance and is a great gift to yourself. When you notice that your thoughts are leading you in the wrong direction, acknowledge the feeling, don’t beat yourself up and create more resistance, and move step by step to a thought that feels better.
- In your choices each day about how you will experience this life, choose to create an environment where you are more likely to thrive. Surround yourself with supportive people and gracefully move away from people who undermine your feelings of confidence and power. The Law of Attraction will be a big help in removing those conditions and people from your life that don’t support your declaration to love yourself.
- In your actions, let them be inspired rather than motivated by what you “should” do. Choose actions that support your growth, your happiness. Make sure that you do something you enjoy everyday. Make sure that you are taking good care of yourself, physically and mentally. Above all, put yourself on your To Do List. You deserve it.
Once you’ve avowed, declared to the Universe that you actually do love yourself, that you believe you are worthy of a wonderful life, that you appreciate yourself, you will become much more okay with where you find yourself right now, knowing you’ve brought yourself to a perfect jumping off point for where you want to go. You couldn’t have this incredible huge desire for growth and happiness if you hadn’t led yourself to this perfect now moment, where anything is indeed possible. You can get there from here, and it doesn’t need to take a long time!
If you’d like to talk about more practical strategies for practicing that self-love and worthiness that is essential to creating the life you want, check in with me at www.howtoallow.net/coaching.