What you put out is what you get back instantaneously.  It doesn’t always feel that way but that is exactly what is going on for us.  And, you need to own that.

If you are experiencing a reality you don’t prefer you need to acknowledge it, not judge it.  If you find you fall short you need to simply allow that to be all right.  Proceeding forward from a place of judging both your reality and yourself as lacking will only keep you stuck in place; it could also create additional circumstances that are not to your liking.

The new approach here is that you want to change anything that is no longer representative of who you are without invalidating it.  No worries, I’m going to explain this as, at least for me, this approach felt like whaaaat?

Our reality has no built-in meaning.  Our reality has meaning, yet it is only the meaning that we assign to it.  And, there is a superb, and slightly different, means of accessing our feelings and beliefs to transform the way that reality plays out for us.

The part that is not news here, and something I’ve been talking about pretty regularly lately, is that you do need to experience whatever feelings arise for you when you find yourself in a situation that you don’t prefer.  And, I’m using “don’t prefer,” in that kind of polite way, although I might also be referring to a situation that you believe is a complete shit show.

I’m going to suggest that this can work in any situation, regardless of the degree to which you “do not prefer” this circumstance (perhaps take a sip of tea while you think of it as, “not preferred.”)  This way of handling your feelings and taking inspired action can apply to situations that feel like “Meh, this could be better”  to “This is something that has the chance of completely bringing things crashing down.”

As the spiritual teacher Elan put it so eloquently, “The degree to which you perceive that something can overcome you, to that every extent is conversely the extent of the positive silver lining in any situation.”

In other words, as bad as you think it can be is exactly as good as it can be.  Please let this sink in for a second because it’s a way of reclaiming your power over your life.

If there is something that you feel you have not been able to handle or looked at deeply that is so overwhelming that you think it can practically destroy you, understand that in reality it is such a powerful transformational tool that it can completely transform you.

 The slightly new approach here is that when you acknowledge the feelings you are having in this situation, which may range from “this could be a little better,” to “this is a disaster,” is that you are going to dig a little deeper when you access those feelings that it evokes.

The new twist on this just requires self-reflection without judgment.  When you feel the feelings your situation evokes, ask yourself why you think you have these circumstances? Your answers always provide the limiting beliefs that no longer serve you.   The new approach here is that  you then decide that you are not going to wash your hands of these old limiting beliefs you’ve been carrying.  You are going to look at them without judgment.


So, wait, what, I thought we should COMPLETELY FORSAKE THOSE OLD LIMITING BELIEFS WHEN WE IDENTIFY THEM. I will fully admit to having taken the approach of wanting to write them down and light them on fire.  Um, I actually have done that.  Again, please don’t judge me.



But, what is new and helpful here and provides such a feeling of relief, is that it is transformative to allow ourselves to look at those old limiting beliefs that come up almost impartially, as a silent witness.  Setting the old beliefs on fire and feeling like you were an idiot for believing them actually keeps them hanging around, at least in part.  That approach can invalidate the new change.

I’m sure my local fire department will be relieved!

And here we go with the amazingly affirming new approach that just makes everything, even the unwanted situation, feel so much better instantaneously:






Throwing this approach into the mix is the part that is game-changing.  When I went through this process with something that was causing me to feel somewhere on the scale of this actually could turn on to be a complete disaster if this goes the wrong way, I turned it around completely.  And, it happened immediately.  I think I felt a little faint as it felt so miraculous.

This is what I did to apply this new empowering approach and I’m feeling pretty confident that this is what will help you as well when you feel overwhelmed by a situation in your life.  Again, don’t judge the situation.  Try to take a step back and be an almost neutral observer if you can.

Step 1:  I felt the feelings that came up for me when I thought that this evolving situation could actually be something that would never allow me to move forward with certain plans for my life.  I asked myself why I felt that this outcome was a possibility?  I thought of what possible limiting beliefs brought me to this dire conclusion.  There were a whole lot of them!  And, none of them were true for me any longer.  They were old and tired.  They were pretty ridiculous.

Step 2:  I reflected on how this situation evolved to where it is now and realized I hadn’t been an idiot.  Such a relief!  I had actually used some of my best qualities, kindness and compassion, in dealing with this situation and the situation turned out to be quite challenging despite that.  I had used the best of me that was available at the time.  I did the very best I could with what was available.  And, I learned that those best qualities are still here and I’d use them again in a heartbeat.  Yet, I would be a bit savvier about how I interacted with others who weren’t on my wavelength at the time.  I would also use the boundaries that I now know are essential.  And, I would also apply that savviness now in any similar situations.

So, there were some limiting beliefs involved, and they were also mixed in with using some of the very best qualities I had, truly doing the very best that I could.  So, hmmm, that whole idea of completely invalidating the beliefs and the best efforts I could apply at the time just doesn’t feel like the best thing to do any longer.  It feels less like appreciation for myself and more like judgment that leaves me feeling less powerful now.

And, that’s not actually the way I feel.

This is so liberating and provides such a feeling of relief.  We have all been doing the best we can with what we knew at the time.  We were using the best qualities at our disposal.  And, yet things sometimes still didn’t work out perfectly.  And, the situations that have arisen for us now that appear to be crazy challenging are now the opportunities for our greatest transformation.

So, this is what you are going to want to do.

Imagine the situation in front of you as if you are watching a play on a stage and the props are in place but you do not know what is going to happen yet because no one has acted or spoken.  This is the attitude of openness and receptivity that can be applied to any situation without the weight of old limiting beliefs that you either still carry or blame yourself for having had.

In my experiment I looked at the situation neutrally and decided not to continue with the slightly dire take on it I had previously imagined.  I imagined it as going many different ways, all of which could be good.  I acknowledged that I had learned from the old beliefs that I used to want to set on fire and that I was now in a much stronger position as a result.  I decided what I would and would not accept.  Period.  No drama.  No angst.  What appeared to be a situation where I’d have to violate my own boundaries was no longer acceptable.  Not happening.  I realized I had pulled my strength from feeling the disempowering beliefs I had been carrying and knowing that they had helped me to be the person who now knows just what to do.

This brings such a sense of peace.  It is as if the past no longer has a hold over you.  It’s just informative.  It’s neutral.  It’s been helpful.  And, now you are no longer judging yourself for arriving where you are.  And, you are also seeing the wisdom you’ve gained from the experiences that have brought you here.

It can all be okay because you literally have THIS MUCH POWER to create your own reality, to dictate the way the play on the stage goes. You take control by your willingness to dive down and feel your feelings and reveal the limiting beliefs that got you there, without judging them, and then applying the beliefs that you now know are true for you.


With this perspective you now know that anything in your life can deliver to you everything you need.  Everyone and every circumstance are actually here to help you if you are willing to address yourself from that perspective of power.



This approach and self-acceptance are where your true power lies.

This is the degree of your strength to transform your reality.

 Thank you to the spiritual teacher Elan for this great take on using what we perceive as our worst challenges to transform us.  Everything we need is available to us in any given circumstance, any given moment.

If you’ve found this valuable and would like to work on identifying and moving forward from old limiting beliefs that no longer fit, I’d love to help.  You can reach me at susan@howtoallow.net.  You can also sign up for a free exploratory coaching session at the button below!

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