I will be the first to admit, as I usually do, that I’ve been there and I could find myself there again. After all, if everything were working perfectly all of the time, we would no longer be living this life. We’d cease our expansion and that’s what this journey is all about. The path of expansion could be a bit smoother, though, if we deliberately chose not to “play small.” Just to make everyone else feel comfortable, not that this happens to me often, uh, well not that often, but I was in that place yesterday and was in need of a serious mood shift
I was very briefly in that state of sadness and powerlessness, but moved pretty quickly into feeling just angry, frustrated, like I had absolutely had it, that I would not deal with that kind of situation anymore. And, I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that feeling angry and that you are very clear on what you DON’T WANT, is a much better place to be than sad, and lacking your power. The latter is definitely a place of feeling small, and it’s not a fun emotional state.
I believed that I had been treated disrespectfully, in a couple of instances, within a 24-hour period. It’s funny how the Law of Attraction works that way. Obviously, I hadn’t taken care of my feelings around the first perceived slight and I went on to attract more of the same. I was so angry it was one of those situations often described as being “beside yourself” with anger. It’s really like you’re out of your body when you get that angry. I can say I don’t go there often, but when I do I want to recognize it early and move on.
So, I knew I couldn’t leap from anger and frustration to, “Gosh what a beautiful day!” The Law of Attraction doesn’t let you make that kind of huge jump easily. So I knew I needed to move into some gradually better feelings before I’d be back to owning my power. So, I asked myself the question, “If what you don’t want is to feel a lack of respect, what do you want?” Well the answer seemed to be “to be respected.” I hope you caught that as I did, which didn’t take long. If I want to be respected, that’s a bit of a lame goal over which I don’t have direct control. I can’t assert into someone else’s mood, experience, circumstances, and force them to treat me respectfully. I have to allow that respect in. And, how would I accomplish that? The answer seemed clearly to be, only by respecting myself enough, on all levels, to not create a vibrational environment where people in my sphere can feel it’s okay to be disrespectful.
Now none of this particular situation was huge, I admit; it was a minor case of me not hearing what I thought I should be hearing from a couple of people. Yet, it was huge inasmuch as it caused me to reflect upon what I was putting out there, what created that murky environment and allowed that energy into my orbit. I do want to be clear, I do respect myself, a lot, and I do love myself, and I know I’m doing the best I can from wherever I am. I am not into self-loathing. Yet, I had to ask myself whether all of my actions, my expectations of myself, my beliefs about myself right then and there, were completely lined up with unconditional self-respect? And, it turned out to be a great exercise, as I reminded myself how much self-respect I do have, how much appreciation for myself, and that I need to pay more attention to acting in accordance with those beliefs. This amounts to treating myself well, expecting others to treat me well and making an exit or distancing myself if they don’t, knowing it’s them, not me, and, taking actions that are in accordance with my own core values, the things I respect about myself.
So, I think we need to ask ourselves, what are our own core values and are we acting in a way that supports them? Yesterday, for me, in addition to taking care of myself by dressing well, tweaking my environment a bit to be more comfortable, those core values led me to helping out a couple of other people, as it turned out, several people, who needed some assistance.
There was a long list of actions and being helpful to others that took me back up the emotional scale but it eventually resulted in treating myself to a Starbucks latte. I hadn’t expected that the sweet 20-something woman working at Starbucks was getting flack from a huge line of drive-through customers because the service was so slow. Apparently, one espresso machine had broken and people were getting ridiculous, and not the good kind of ridiculous. There was actually honking and yelling. I guess people really needed their caffeine hit. When she apologized to me for the delay and mentioned the angry people, I said, “Yeah, I heard some of that but, no problem, I found a great song on Spotify while I was in line, no big deal at all, not your fault.” She responded, “Aren’t you a breath of fresh air.” All I could think was, “not until right now.” I realized that this was evidence that I had moved myself back within the realm of my sweet spot, with a few simple resets of my thinking and inspired action.
I then stopped in to visit my stepfather at his assisted living center, where he has not been doing quite as well lately. He asked if I’d stay for dinner and so, of course, that was a no brainer if I was really honoring my own core values. I hesitated, for about half a second. He has been a loving figure in my life for years and I’d do anything to help him feel better. Of course, the person I am, the person I respect, would definitely stay for dinner and would be as uplifting for him as I possibly could. These things are always as much for us as the person we are helping.
And, surprisingly, I soon realized that a big part of why I was there was actually to talk to his friend at our dinner table. She is an eighty year-old woman who had very recently lost her husband (four days after moving into the center), and was preparing for her own surgery, a surgery that I had also been through. I was able to reassure her about the surgery and how it wasn’t as big a deal as you would think. I as also able to say something supportive when tears welled up as she mentioned that she had wanted to tell her husband something the next day and she didn’t get that next day. When I told her that I was certain her husband was right here, right now, and that he already knew what she wanted to tell him, her face brightened and I could tell that she really believed it. Again, as much for me as for her.
So, it turned out that I was able to get myself back into the zone, to a place where I am allowing in respectful behavior, by respecting myself, taking care of myself and acting on my own values. I’ve finally learned that when we do that, the peanut gallery becomes irrelevant.
At least for a while, I think I’ve got this vibe down, and maybe I’ll never have to revisit that creepy vibe where I’m feeling unappreciated or disrespected. But, if I slip a little, at some future moment when I’m not paying close attention to my emotional guidance, I know it’s a quick trip back to self-love, self-respect and giving and receiving appreciation. This feels so much better! So, today I’m thinking of myself as “a breath of fresh air.” Gonna try to hold onto that one for as long as I can.
What thoughts and actions that reflect your core values might move you up the scale into your alignment, where all of your power lies? I would love to hear from you. I’m sure you have some inspired ideas.
For a free, no obligation, one-hour coaching session to move toward alignment and inspired action, contact Susan Shearer Young at email@example.com.